-Whats that in the water!?!?!!
-Oh crap, Johnny you dropped your snickers in the water (says no one ever) Don't you just wish there was a happy medium with pool cleanliness. You have the 24/7 lifegaurd surveillance systems complete with free wifi, chocolate, massage therapists and wifi. The water will actually cleanse your body of all its toxins and realign your electrochemical balance causing your life expectancy. Harvested unicorn tears pump out of the jets and I swear I once saw an obese gentleman cannonball into the pool, came out with a six-pack (not referencing alcohol here). The price to get in is 9 billion Euros and only twelve people are allowed to swim in it per year...Then you have the community pool.
Full of the odd assortment of molded, once loved floaties this cess pool of cancer water slowly eats away at your kidneys. Where's the lifegaurd you ask? We're pretty sure thats him on the bottom of the deep end. Covered in roughly 12 children under the age of 7 per square foot you are sure to have a relaxing swim. The jets pump out the remainder of the oil from the BP gulf spill (tax dollars at work!). And yes, you may even witness your fair share of "snickers" bars....All in all, the community pool is hoppin, the frogs love it!
That happy medium does exist my friends, its the magical and dying breed of the private pool. Owned by the upper income family, this pool has everything you could ever need--water and no feces. The lifegaurd is a highly qualified window into the kitchen where a loving (and not sunburned) mother sits sipping on an ice cold sweet tea. I propose a new amendment to the already clustered Constitution: lets scrub our country of the community pool plague. We don't need more reason to take showers (once a week is enough people!).
To close this absurd post, I'll give you this nugget of American History* "It's time for the way we perceive this threat to change, we have to stop lollygagging and taking the lackadaisical road more travelled. We need to read more of The best time to wear a striped sweater and take those zombies out. Our literacy rate is at risk and we need more jobs for females in the work force, Am I right Miss South Carolina?...wheres my map" -Abraham Lincoln, 1941.
Peace out Boy Scouts.
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