Two outs, bottom of the ninth inning and of course I'm the one that is up to bat (the whole time I'm sitting in the dugout hoping another person on my team will just strike out and save me the embarrassment) I'm not a good hitter, or at least my bat has developed a special chemical makeup to repel baseballs when pitched at speeds of more than 15 mph or anytime during a game. Walking up to the plate is a lot like swimming underwater, you cant breathe and everything sounds muffled. Step into the batters box, no doubt a look of sheer terror plastered on my face for the pitcher to see. "We've already won this game/look at that dweeber on the plate/ I wonder if mom has any bagel bites left at the house," the pitcher thinks many things, none of which are concern for losing or me succeeding in any possible way. The smug pre-teen with the ball winds up-- slow mo starts.
The perfect pitch barrels down the pipe and my eyes see nothing but glory. My bat starts a swing and I flex more muscles than I probably have to hit this ball, everything in my life has come down to this one moment..."Hit it! Hit it!" they say, "We need this to win the game!" they remind me at literally the least opportune time....
I missed. The ball pounds the back of the catcher's glove as more fear settles into the back of my mind. "What if we lose? This was all because of me. I'm such a loser." the thoughts run over and over in my head until the last pitch is thrown. I of course miss again and the game is over.
We lose.
But its more than just a "we", this loss was all on me. Everything leading up to my batting meant nothing and I single handedly destroyed this game. I am crushed and start to do what any other respectable boy in my position would--cry. Yeah yeah, it's funny when I think about it now but then, the weight of the whole team and my parents/friends/anyoneelsewhocame was on my back....I crumpled slowly together as a wad of paper ready to be thrown away.
"But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in your weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
Where was this when I was ready to implode from the weight of the world? Who cares if I lose a city league baseball game, it wasn't even the playoffs. Without failures, we would never see or have the successes. Without disappointment, there could be no joy! Its hard to see these things as a child but growing up has taught me more and more to trust in what the Lord has promised us (peace, eternal life, grace to name a few) and to forget the constant worry the world wants to burden us with.
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalms 73:26
Be joyful and be content with failure because whether we like it or not, they will happen. I can't say I was happy about losing those games but it has helped me to see that every little thing doesn't have to consume you with worry and fear and grief. If we can learn to take each day a step at a time and pray to God for an all consuming peace then rec baseball will never be the same.
--Peace be with ya.
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